a short while ago, working on my sewing, almost done for the night. music in the background, a song comes on, a lament for a love lost, gone without closure. i think of my lost love, suddenly i’m crying, sobbing, tears streaming down my cheeks, tears blinding me so i can’t see the needle or my work…
…i still love her, i still love her despite everything, even though i’m doing so much better now, even though she hurt me so much (and i hurt her), even though it was so very destructive… i love her and it *hurts* not to be hers.
and there’s nothing i can do except move through the pain. wipe the tears from my eyes, continue my work, finish my seam, and the next, and the next… and now i’m supposed to sleep and it hurts and i don’t know if i can, i just don’t know.